WHEN IT FEELS LIKE YOU’RE NOT GOOD ENOUGH

Let me just go on a quick rant here, loljk.

I have graduated from university with a Bachelor’s Degree in Mass Communication some 6 months ago. After graduation, I flew all the way to the United States of America to set aside the corporate life because I felt like I wasn’t ready. So for 4 months, I have been travelling and running around. Last month, I went back to the Philippines. I had an empty pocket and a continuous longing to just run around and see more of the world–but let’s be honest, I can’t do that. So now I think I’m ready to work, but it felt like the corporate world is not ready for me.

I have been applying and running around going to interviews and getting tired only to hear the most dreaded sentence ever, “Sorry, we will no longer push through with your application…” Sometimes I feel like “wow, am i the stupidest person ever” or “what’s wrong with me why can’t i get a job”. Honestly, adulting is hard! My passion is writing and theatre but believe me when I tell you that my passion won’t be able to feed me in a country like mine and that’s why I need a full time job. I’m not the daughter of a business tycoon and I don’t know people from the industry. I’m starting from scratch and I think this could be overwhelming at times.

After so many no’s these past weeks, I came home today crying. I felt like the world was on my shoulders and I felt like there was no future for me. But then I went to meet my friends, I was happy for a short while. Then one of my friends came in the room sobbing and telling us that his grandmother died. I realised that there are far worse cases than mine and I think I should be grateful. When I got home again after being with my friends, I turned on the television to watch the news, I saw there that a firework factory near my place exploded. I was just there earlier today (at the place where it happened) because that’s my everyday route to Manila and had I left home much later, I could be dead by now. I realised that timing is actually so essential in our life. I was so caught up with depression about not finding a job that I forgot to look at the other things. I forgot to be grateful. Some people have it much worse than us and we tend to complain more. Why? Because we’re mere humans and we’re never satisfied. But I think it’s important to acknowledge the fact that there is a never changing God in this ever changing world. I could be dead by now if I came in late, but God has a plan for me, and a much better plan than what I have for myself. I should just completely and utterly trust Him and His directions for my life. Let Him lead us to where He wants us to go. His plans won’t fail us, that’s for sure.

My boyfriend told me that whenever I feel sad I should think about other people first. Like is it too much of a big deal to be sad about? Does it involve other people or we just feel sorry for ourselves? If it includes other people being hurt, be sad about it. If you have want to drown with self pity, forget about it and get to work! I guess that’s the best advice my boyfriend has given me (hahahahahahaha he’s gonna read this and roll his eyes at me). But seriously, consider other people before yourself. Less selfishness doesn’t hurt every now and then.

Now if you would all excuse me, I have resumes to send out and a job to catch! Ah! Everyone, look into the mirror and repeat after me, “If God qualified you for a position, He will get you through it with flying colours! God’s got this!”

“For the Son of God, Jesus Christ, who was preached among you by us, even by me and Silvanus and Timotheus, was not yea and nay, but in him was yea. For all the promises of God in him are yea, and in him Amen, unto the glory of God by us.”

2 Corinthians 1:19-20 KJV

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