So it’s already been four months since I’ve graduated from university. Some of my friends are already working, some are already making a name for themselves in specific fields they want to be in, and some are already earning their own money. What have I been doing, you ask? I’m not exactly sure. These days, “I’m not sure” and “I don’t know yet” have been a constant answer whenever my friends would ask me what I plan to do with my life or when I’m coming back home to the Philippines.
A photo from my graduation day last 20th of April 2016.
I’m not sure. I don’t know. I’m only 20 years old. How does society expect me to venture upon a field or career that I want to spend the rest of my life doing at this age? I’ve always been used to having my best friends to lean onto whenever we have big projects or whenever we’re stressing over finals or over our dreadful and challenging theses. I’ve always been used to having my friends over whenever we have no classes. I got used to receiving messages like, “Are you free today? I cooked pasta and there’s a new episode of Glee/Scream Queens/American Horror Story, just come over,” or messages like, “I don’t understand the discussion yesterday. Can I come over and we can write our papers together.” I’ve gotten so used to my friends always having my back and me having theirs, that when we all parted ways, I felt paralyzed.
Me and my best friends (L-R: Me, Patricia, Denmark and Allysa) on our graduation pictorial.
What do I do with life, now that my best friends are no longer here to help me? I mean, they’ll always be there but we don’t work in the same room and don’t see each other every single day. It’s rough, but somehow, we’re all making it work.
What do I do after university? What do people usually do after university? I have no idea, honestly. Heck, I don’t even know why I’m still writing this blog post. But I know one thing, it’s okay to be lost. It’s okay to be lost at some point in life because that’s when we will realise that we need God to direct us in every step of the way. I don’t know what I want to do with my life just yet. I have so much dreams. I want to be a fashion writer for Vogue USA, I want to perform and write plays for Broadway, I want to make more films with my production, I want to put up my own cafe back home, I want to move to Canada to be nearer my boyfriend, I want to travel the world and become a full time travel blogger, I want to live! But where do I begin? It’s all just chaos if you look at it. It’s all hazy and I don’t know where to begin. As of now, I’m sitting my bum off and I’m in the city that never sleeps. New York has been my home for the past few months and I’m really enjoying it and I have no plans of coming home just yet. But I have to. What do I do when I come back home? I don’t know. All I know is there’s a place called ‘home’ that I will go to when all else fails and whenever I feel lost.
I don’t know if it’s just me or if there are others out there who are particularly lost at this time in their lives. I’d like to call it my quarter life crisis, hahaha! But I know that in every set back, God is up to something very beautiful. I believe that I might be lost now, but God is doing something crazy good and miraculously wonderful that will make me more and more in awe of Him. I’m praying that I get to figure out where to go next. Knowing God, He will never fail me nor forsake me.
To my friends, if you’re reading this, chill. I will come home, I just don’t know when. To my family, I will come home, hahaha! To my Mom, thank you for believing in my dreams.
It’s okay to be lost every once in a while. After all, the best adventures are out of the ones we take out of spontaneity.
“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”
Joshua 1:9 NIV